Just few more days to my special day! Or shall I call it an unforgettable day! A day which everyone is looking forward except me.. Time passed like a wind. Things changed from time to time. Priorities changed as the days passed on! But memories still remains unleashed. I’m not sad that you left me cos I know there is someone else out there who will take care of me way better then you will. But the feel of being dumped and cheated still haunts me.
I was so closed into falling back to u the other day! But that love for someone I have now made me stay strong and move on. I understand the guilt you and your family maybe facing. Well something which I can forgive but never forget. Well I always felt guilty to whatever have happen despite for what every physical and mental torture I went through. But now I feel that it’s waste of my time, energy and my precious life. So much of sleepless nights, unpeaceful sleeps, nightmares and etc etc. I can say this on and on.. That much of uncertainty in my life.
I forced myself to stay uncontrolled. Even I got back my freedom, I did all sorts of things to bring that feel to me. As I’m surrounded with fear all over. I tried not to bother about anything.Its something I wish to forget for good!!!
There are still questions running in my mind which I’m searching for answers. What happen after that day?? What happen after that when things were sorted out?? What happen to the love and obsession you had?? Why did you let things go that way?? When I was going through trouble; “sorry” was the only thing you could say?? But why?? If so why did u leave me so much of love and hurts in my heart when it turn out to be this way? Things may not have been very good previously.. But things would have been good after that. Cos that’s when I realised everything.. So why???
You have shattered everything in my life.
The bond between me and my family is no more because of you!
The trust my family had in me is no more because of you!
The peace in my family is no more because of you!
My dreams were shattered because of you!
My sacrifices are worthless because of you!
Too many pressure and things are happening here because of you!
But it’s not going to go over my head! Even I’m still in the midst of finding solutions for that I believe that my parents will eventually understand me and let the things go my way!
You started it on my birthday 2 yrs back and I really hope there will be a fullstop this birthday! Birthday is a special day for everyone! And you have left a mark on it ?? Hmm..
I still believe things will change after this year and by my next birthday, at least I’ll have to be successful in something.. At least, even its something small ….
I’m blessed with a good family. I’m blessed with plenty of friends who love and care for me. They are the pillar of my strength, motivation and happiness… I love them :)
Best wishes to myself…. =)
One and Only
Naz :)
