NazReens WebLog

Sorry guys.. suppose to have continued on fri.. but did not have the time..

Hmm… How can i not forget abt the exams which was held on thurs. It was my family dynamics paper.. A paper which i had no confidence @ all! Well yeah! Only started studying a week before my exams.. & that too not consistantly.. With so much of distractions, confusions on how and what to study and all.. This is my first time i felt like this in my entire tertiary level of studies.. well this module is one of my favs cos it had got to do with our life.. its abt family and how does a family functions. what is family.. a family refers to 2 or more ppl related by birth, marriage or even adoption who resides together in the same household. Whether is mum or dad, grandma or grandpa, husband or wife, sister or brother, uncle or aunt or any type of relations… Well our main focus on this module is abt marriages and families, dealing with facing of problems(mainly)>> divorces, loss of a family member, adolescents, family cycle etc etc.. and studying all this in One week is definitely not enough.. Somehow manage and prioritize what to study with all the resources i had and did my best! haha.. well the paper was suppose to start @ 7pm.. but for the muslim students(breaking fast time and all) it only started @ 7.30.. and yeah.. aft watching jodi no.1.. i got this sudden craze on a dancer michael who is opp hema.. despite having a gr8 talent in dance(and me being a dance freak).. i find him extremely humble when the judges comment on him.. and so i was very much looked fwd him @ kkk.. which also made me more crazy over him.. haha.. u guys can ask my friend vithu abt him.. i would be practically talking abt it to her.. and to my surprise!! there was actually a guy in my class who looks exactly like him!!! Lolz.. It was my 3rd qn.. if i’m not wrong.. & the qn was “what are the five types of marriages and define them”(this is how a 2 marks qn is??) Imagine 20 marks essay.. :O… :D ..
“Knock! Knock!” came in our hero… [EXCUSE ME!! U R LATE FOR EXAM!!!] haha.. i was shock for a moment.. [as in thought michael was in front of me] :D ok ok.. i know its too over.. and then continued with my paper.. well i know that i did not do that well even though the paper was easy.. cos i was lagging behind in some areas.. Well in 2 marks qn.. i just need to ans the qns.. But as for essay(which is 20 marks)… i need to support my ans with references.. which i failed to do so.. i was only being able to ans the qn.. A big lesson learnt for not attending lectures and not being consistant.. A mistake i should nvr do in future in order to achieve what i want.. Expecting at least a Pass this time.. See how it goes.. Our next term modules are out and still yet to decide what i’m gonna do.. Was discussing with mum abt joining my college for full time..

Talking abt KKK earlier on.. I should say… KKK craze have came back to me.. It was actually fading away recently.. but then aft the new season started… and abt the big hoo haa ppl are making abt it.. it interest me very much!! [hey guys don't mistake its bcos of that particular guy :P] but then aft seeing the title song.. it seemd pretty interesting and off course a lil bit abt school in singapore is reflected.. as in it really brings in my previous school day this time..the concept is not that pleasing though.. but then lets see what have they got in future…

F1 Night Race is tonight.. First time in SINGAPORE.. wowow!! hehe.. am not a car person. but did caught the practice sessions and qualifying round.. Wanted to drop by just to have a look.. But then am like feeling too weak to even step out!! & also.. not gonna miss the FINALS of Dhool today..(Hopefully).. Sangeetha being the guest judge for the show.. Pretty looking fwd her comments towards our Singapore dancers.. My fav grp is all time Apsara Asia… But then since they are not in the finals.. My next fav is Aerocratz.. Wish them all the best..

Sunday is suppose to be a FAMILY DAY!! but here!! nah… all at hm are busy.. grr.. ex. me! well no one is at home as usual.. and am like stuck @ home today.. just bcos at least someone has to be home[some delivery stuffs coming] … Well Hari Raya is coming.. and its a very busy week for everyone.. Unlike me.. falling sick during this time.. Thank god am perfectly alright now… Did some spring cleaning.. with blasting music..  Will have to continue it later… Ok then.. Let me end it here.. even i have loadz more to share..

See ya next time!

Eid Mubarak to all muslims out there…
May Allah’s Blessings be all with u..
And to all my loved ones!!
I would like to take this opportunity to ask forgiveness..
Sorry if i hurt u peepz in anyway…

Adioz

Signing Off,
One & Only
NazGaL ;)

Rain Rain Go Away!

Haha.. Wondering y I started off with this?? Well.. Its raining cats and dogs!!!!! Hmmm.. Finally had a very good sleep last night… Even though I went to bed early yesterday I woke up late today!!!! Lolz… Left my house only like 7.30am.. Only to find out it was raining heavily near my work place…

“Most heaviest downfall in Singapore’s History??” haha.. well my colleague was pretty surprised to hear that my place wasn’t raining… I’m surprised too… A while ago,another colleague of mine smsed that her kitchen got flooded and the plumber is fixing it… :O …

I was standing in between(connections) of two cars in the train.. & wasn’t really aware of the weather and everything.. Was just resting my eyes.. and suddenly felt that the train was going extremely slowly.. and heard the announcement from the train driver( or whatever they call him) that there will be destruption due to the weather.. :D well suddenly a song came into my mind.. Nursery Rhymes..

Rain Rain Go Away

Come Again Another Day

Little Children want to play

Rain Rain Go Away…

So…sweet ain’t it?? Lolz.. Use to sing this during my childhood days whenever the rain comes.. but then in a different way..

Rain Rain Don’t Go Away

Also come again another Day

Little Children love to play with You..

Rain Rain Don’t go away.. :D

Wasn’t listening to music this time.. As I was having headache and didn’t want it to worsen.. And so, things were running in my mind.. Abt my childhood days… Beautiful..

How much is that doggy in the window?? Oof Oof..

The one with the waggily tails??

How much is that doggy in the window?? Oof Oof..

…….. (Oopz.. Forgot the lyrics.. )

Ok this was the song I sang and dance on stage when I was 8 yrs old. It was talent-time in school where students were to potray their talents on stage.. I remember singing it with my Chinese classmate Mei Xin.. Lolz..i was imagining how cute we were?? I remember we were wearing a pink dress. We were singing and dancing together.. When the lyric of the song “how” we face each other and put our hands and show how.. & and then when the waggily tails, we puts our hands behind our back to show the tails and shake it!! Wow.. what a nice thing to remember.. Like this soo many memories came back.. & it started out with this song.. Rain Rain Go Away! Hmmm.. Aft getting off the train.. I waited for the bus very long..The moment I reached my office building, the entrance of it was flooded!! That’s where I realized it was actually raining heavily!! Kekekeke.. Hmm reached offy @ 9 am.. and till now have not start my work.. kekekeke.. Anyway its only like 3 working days left and I’m a freeeee bird!

To be continued..

Came across this story as a forward e-mail and felt like sharing it here..

The burden of losing someone whom you love is too much to be carried with your heart for the rest of your life.

Ragging is fun. We always escaped from our seniors when we were in the first year of our graduation. Dancing infront of female seniors, hugging the trees and calculating the lengths of the buses with match sticks, yep, it was indeed great fun to get ragged. Personally I have gained many good friends too.

Now that I am in the second year, I started to rag. Screwing guys and flirting girls is the meaning of ragging in my dictionary until one fine day I saw her.

“Hey Shania… come here” I called one of the happening girl’s around. “I am getting bored… why don’t you accompany me to the canteen?” I asked her. The expressions on her face were changing. “I know that you have to catch a bus to your home town” I said. She looked at me pretending innocence and asked, “How did you know?”

“I have been to my home town many times before when I was also a junior, even though Hyderabad is my home town.” I told her. Knowing that she’s caught, she stopped giving me lame excuses.

Some prior knowledge about Shania and some lucky flukes, I pretended reading her face and ultimately I ended up holding her hands. Even as I rubbed her hand on the pretext of reading her palm, she listened to me with great interest.

I am a scorpion and henceforth the animal magnetism that draws the opposite sex towards me. I know how to handle girls. I had a very good name in my college, both academically as well as in extracurricular activities. And she knew all this. How did she? I made sure that she knew bits and pieces about me before I made the first impression. And now, Voila, I hit the bull’s eye.

One hour later, we were good friends. Shania fell for me. And I took the control.

“I will drop you at your home, Shania” I told her. She was initially reluctant before I successfully coaxed her. A hand slowly fell on my shoulder and I slightly lost control of my bike. My bike jerked a lil’ and Shania dashed to my back.

‘Grow up dear..’ I saw a guy standing infront of me and preaching. ‘Yes, sir’ I bade good bye to my conscience and I dropped her at her home.

Days passed by and then weeks. I was getting closer and closer to her. Is she gonna be the girl in my life? Should I propose her? Thousands of thoughts ran through my mind.

One fine day, she called up. “Sanju, I know I am losing myself to you. I know that you are reciprocating the same feelings to. I know you as a good friend. I know you as a great lover. Perhaps after my dad and mom, you are the one who’s most important in my life. I guess I can’t live without you. I…..” there was a pause for a minute.

All the while she was speaking, I was holding my breath to hear those three words. ‘Come on say it Shania’ I thought in my mind.

“I don’t know where this is gonna end. My parents are way too orthodox to agree for our marriage. Why don’t we end this here?” she continued.

“But I still love you….” she said and there was a pause for a while. Tears trickled down my cheeks. Had she told me the last phrase alone, I would have been the happiest soul in this world.

What’s the point in saying an I love you which is not gonna sustain. Whats the point in being in a relationship which is not gonna last?

And I decided to breakup with her even before I could actually reciprocate her proposal.

One year passed, and whenever our ways crossed, she gave those blank glances at me. And I just bent my head and avoided her.

One day, it was late night when I was returning home when I saw a girl show her thumb hitching a ride. ‘Shania?’ and I stopped my bike. She stepped onto my bike and asked me to drive to this certain place where there was no one.

I pulled the stand and my bike rested on it. She held me by my shirt and shouted out loud, “why are you avoiding me? Why are you looking at me as if I were an enemy? Please, I do love you, but I am frightened of my parents. I just can’t live without you” and she started crying as she held my shirt and hugged me.

A woman’s heart is too deep to be understood. But that time I felt that I saw her true feelings towards me. I knew she loved me from the depths of her heart. I saw how much she cared me.

“Don’t worry baby, I will take care of it. I will see that we get married,” I said even as I kissed her on her forehead.

They say that a guy who often prays when in a relationship is damn serious about the relationship. I prayed too often. More than often, I prayed, each and every minute. I prayed to god that she and I should get married, that too with the blessings of our parents. Little did I know that I was asking for something which would never be granted.

Two years, we were in love. I watched movies with her, I have dined with her and I have walked down the roads hand in hand with her. But more than the fact that I enjoyed her company, I was always frightened that this wouldn’t last long. I never knew when we would be separated. I never knew when this relationship would come to an end.

The only thing that I could do was pray. And I never neglected my career too. After all, if our parents agree, we should be self sufficient at least.

For a few weeks, I couldn’t contact her. One day she called me up on my mobile. She said, “I am sorry Sanju. I revealed our story to my parents. My mom was about to consume poison, when my dad and me stopped her. I love my mom so much. I don’t want to lose her. I love you too. But I am frightened that my mom may kill herself. I don’t want to build a memorial of love on the grave of my parents. Please do forget me Sanju. I am sorry” she said and cut the call.

I always anticipated such an answer. It was shocking indeed for me. All these days, I have imagined her to be my wife. I have been to places of worship along with her. I ….

And now she called me saying that she’s succumbing to her parent’s pressures?

Parents are very selective about the marriage of their kids. A sense of social status is more important to them rather than the life of their kid. At least what right do they have over some one else’s child. Isn’t my life spoiled? I am not the kinda guy who just lets things go off his head and go on with life.

She always said, “I love my parents and you” and I said “I love you more than my parents”. What could she have done if I were also to threaten her or blackmail her by saying that I would consume poison and commit suicide? She would have still stayed with her parents. It was my mistake to fall in love.

And from the very next moment I started to drink and smoke. Few habits which I detested throughout my life. A few weeks later, I came to know that she married another guy. And the burden of losing someone whom you love is too much to be carried with your heart for the rest of your life….

I closed the diary. I understood the pain which my son must have undergone when he lost the lady whom he loved. I felt a stinging pain in my heart. I have never been I love. I loved only four people. My parents and my wife and the last but not the least, my son. But after reading his diary I was in his shoes for a while. I could understand his feelings.

If he had told me about his love, I would have talked to the parents of the girl and persuaded them to get these young hearts married. But I came to know later from one of my son’s friends that he had done all that, he could. He spoke to the girl’s parents. He fell at their feet. He begged them. But of no avail.

Her parents might have had the right to spoil her life. But what right did they have to spoil that of my son? Citing some caste and social problems, they rejected his love.

“Sanju, my darling….” I closed my eyes and opened them wiping the tears from my eyes.

And I saw the past unfold infront of my eyes. The day when the nurse told me that I had a baby boy, the day when he kicked on my chest with those cute little feet of his, the day when he learnt to walk on his own, the day when I admitted him to school when he held my shirt pleading me not to leave him, the day he brought home the prize he won in his KG level drawing competitions, the day when I kissed him when he showed me the progress report, the day when he won an essay writing competition, the day when he secured an engineering seat in a reputed college and finally…..

Finally the day when he jumped from the top of the apartment unable to bear the pain and the suffering and committed suicide.

The burden of losing someone whom you love is too much to be carried with your heart for the rest of your life.

Hmmm… Not all the Love is Successful. In my opinion, One has to be happy if his/her loved one is settled and moved on with his/her life and he should also move on. Even if he/she did not get together with his loved one, love would not fade away. It would be still in the soft corner of the heart.

Hey!! Well its been quite some time since i actually sat down and blog. And so planned to pen down something today…

Firstly would like to Wish my daddy a Many Many Many More Happy Returns of the Day! Even though I’m not close to him and he is a strict daddy and all.. Deep down my heart, he is still the most best daddy anyone could get!  Nth much of a party and all as he does not like all that.. And so.. Mummy have some special menus for him for tonight… :P

As for me..I’m kinda lost in what to start writing in my new blog. As nothing much is going here as of now.. Slept around 3am plus yst and mum was actually trying to wake me up arnd 5+ for sahar.. But to no avail.. :D I woke up @ 6am.. Hahaha.. and subuh was already over.. Went back to sleep by 6.45am.. & Finally woke up @ 10am.. The moment i woke up.. I stared at the ceiling and ask ” NAZ WHAT R U DOING AT BED WHEN U R SUPPOSE TO DO E ASSIGNMENT???” Oh gosh.. My assignment is really driving me crazy.. Even though its only like 30 %.. That 30 % really means alot to me…

— €> Discuss the impact of divorce on children and strategies to help children cope with this effects.

Well yeah!! That is my topic.. Seems easy.. But there are loadz and loadz to write..And meeting with the criterias my institute is expecting etc etc… Its pretty tough to put up an essay with limitation of 2500 words.. plus and minus 100…with all the necessary points..   As when i’m writing.. I’m stucked halfway and would be wondering.. Am i going in the right track??? Haha…. Well i’ve got exactly abt 4 days to finish.. & I think i can do it.. Having missed most of my lectures.. It had brought down my confidence level for this term. Felt like i have miss soo many things..and definitely have so many things to buck up! Unlike previously.. I was able to manage with everything..

Was talking to Mummy abt work yst.. So many things which i felt i could not handle it anymore and it is really affecting my studies.. I told her that i could not take it anymore.. So many friends have been advising me and all i said is abt boundaries i have and not hurting my family members and all..They could see it for themselves all the stress and depressions am going thru.. Losing of concentrations and interests… I gave a deep thought yst.. Hey peepz.. Did accumulate all the advices you gave into considerations. :S …. Decided to call it a quit!(But don’t know when..) Wow! 3 days of leaves have made a change.. Kekeke.. Well yeah!! Had a small chat with my cousin sis who is my HR manager and she would help me explaining it to my BOSS… But then am giving myself about 2-3 weeks to decide on what i’m gonna do if suppose i quit.. Cos i’ve got my own expenses to take care off.. For both my studies and me.. And i can’t be relying on my parents all the time.. Still have my bro and sis in the q.. And also i need enough savings if i’m gonna further my studies aboard….

Plans for today… Nth much.. Dropping by library to continue with my assignments.. For the next week its gonna be very blunt for me… Its gonna be like work – assignment – work – assignment .. etc etc.. And for the love i have for my fellow colleagues..(Ppl from HR i meant) I need to give a proper handover to them in order for the work flow to go smoothly.. Cos i know how it is like when a messy handover had been given…

Thats all for today!!!

Regards,
One & Only
NazGaL